Take a breath.

Jump.   Words fascinate me, as do images. This blog is a compilation of things that I perceive as pleasing to the visual and auditory senses as well as some of my own contributions to the tumblr-sphere. Enjoy.

My little love, you will be in my heart for every step that I take tomorrow. I wish you could see me, and that I could see how proud you’d be of your mother. Wha I’d give to could carry you across that finish line, the way that I was meant to.

— 2 days ago
Effin killed it. #BostonStrong #BostonStrong

Effin killed it. #BostonStrong #BostonStrong

— 2 weeks ago
#bostonstrong 

And I’m sitting here, chuckling at the irony:

My inbox is full, my phone’s storage is full. My hard drive, my to-do list, my mind - they are all bursting at the seams. You’d never think that, despite all of this,

I could ever feel

quite so

empty.

— 3 weeks ago
#Pregame faces on ❤️@manderlynn1493

#Pregame faces on ❤️@manderlynn1493

— 3 weeks ago
#pregame 
Today I received my bib number for the 118th Boston Marathon. 25 days. #baa #BostonMarathon #BostonMarathon

Today I received my bib number for the 118th Boston Marathon. 25 days. #baa #BostonMarathon #BostonMarathon

— 3 weeks ago with 1 note
#bostonmarathon  #baa 

I threw this together back in August. It will mean more to those who know me than those who don’t, but very few things bring me as much joy as watching this video. Every screen shot, every shameless selfie, every photograph taken for nine months, together to form a moving picture of my life. 

If you choose to watch this, I’m interested in feedback, so shoot me a few words when you’re done, I’d appreciate it.

— 1 month ago with 2 notes

There’s a strange comfort to be found in conversations with old friends. With them, you’re reminded that things weren’t always this way. You were once a different a person, in a different life, and such a reminder can serve as the break that you need from reality, from the trials that your new self is facing in your new life. You once laughed at different things, smiled at different faces, and shed tears for things that now seem so inconsequential when it comes down to the way things are now. Each person that I’ve shared some portion of my life with, however small, has had a measurable impact on who I am now. For that, when we make contact, I almost always find myself wrapped in nostalgia, my mind scrolling through our most memorable moments like flip-book. You’ve colored my life into the masterpiece that it is today.

— 1 month ago with 4 notes

Find someone whose heart breaks for the same reasons as yours.

— 1 month ago
"Labeling women as “crazy” is a way of controlling them. It may not be something planned or pre-meditated, but the ease with which men call women “crazy” says a lot about them. Calling a woman “crazy” is a quick and easy shut-down to any discussion. Once the “crazy” card has been pulled out, women are now put on the defensive: the onus is no longer on the man to address her concerns or her issue, it’s on her to justify her behavior, to prove that she is not, in fact, crazy or irrational. Men don’t even have to provide any sort of argument back – it’s a classic catch-22; “the fact that you don’t even see that you’re acting crazy is just proof that it’s crazy.”"

On Labeling Women “Crazy” | Paging Dr. NerdLove - Part 2 (via creatingaquietmind)

And it doesn’t even matter if you’re the one being called “crazy” or not, you know you need to watch yourself with that person or else anything you do that they don’t like is gonna end up getting YOU in trouble.

(via feministfeels)

(via starsinthesamesky)

— 1 month ago with 24686 notes
Rhyme Without Reason: The Navigation of a Grieving Mother

I’m going to come right out and say this: not everything happens for a reason. No matter how I’ve been told, regardless of the examples I’ve been given, and despite the perseverance of this idea through our culture, I have yet to be convinced. While we search and scour the corners of the Earth for a greater design to this life and the pain that we encounter, time after time we return exhausted and even more lost than we were when we began. Now, don’t get me wrong, I believe in God and His unmatched omnipotence, His plans for our lives, and His power to redeem any situation, but I also believe just as wholeheartedly in the counterparts to these. I believe in the existence of evil of this world, in the free choice that we were given when we were created, and in the catastrophic combination of the two. Many find comfort in the notion that the pain that we feel is planned and necessary and that the trials that we face are preparing us for some greater purpose, a higher calling and a role that we can only fill once we’ve been casted and molded through these “fateful” fires in our lives. Yet the only reason that these things exist, such as sickness and sadness and death, is because of our failures. The reason that evil entered our world was because of our choice as beings with free will, because of our sins. God did not plan for a world with sin and with death, but where there is one the other will always exist simultaneously. 

Although there is no comfort for me in the idea of predestined pain, I am able to find some in another closely related concept. The part that I trust, and am able to move forward through is the idea that there is an opportunity for growth through these experiences. This is where God’s redemption comes into play. As humans we have been adapting our entire existence, and these changes are only instigated by an alteration in the norm, deviation from the expected. When we are faced with an unfamiliar, unexpected, and painful experience, we are forced not only to realign our lives with the new conditions and concrete changes that we have to live with, but we are also faced with the need to emotionally navigate the tumultuous waters we’ve found ourselves drowning in. Not only do we have to readjust the way that we go about our daily lives and the choices that we make, but we also need to care for our emotional wellbeing, address how the changes are affecting us, and process them fully.

For me, my faith has always been one of the greatest influences on my ability to cope and move forward through life’s unpredictable changes. I have seen through my own experiences the personal growth that can occur as a result of this processing life-altering events. I have gained confidence in my own value, I have learned how to prioritize my own needs while still caring for others, and I have discovered the beauty that exists in healthy, respectful, honorable relationships. I have learned the value of self-control, the importance of timing, the virtue of patience, and the gift of silence. I have discovered the strength that can arise from my deepest pain, and most importantly, I have learned to acknowledge and respect my limits. I believe that the only reason that I have been able to harness these positive outcomes, that I am able to move forward through my pain, is through my faith in God and his unconditional love and unfailing comfort for me. He experiences the pain that I feel, He mourns my losses alongside me. He gives me the strength that I find myself drained of, He pulls me from my knees and lifts my face skyward. It is only through His strength that I have any at all.

I do not believe that there is a reason behind my baby’s death. There is no greater plan behind this loss of life. I carried him for eleven weeks, and he thrived for nine. Every day I struggle to work through this, my heart breaking with every reminder that I will not be holding my newborn baby come this September. We saw his tiny limbs, watched in awe as he wiggled around, marveled at his tiny face. Yet two weeks later every dream that we held so tightly for our little love’s future was crushed by the five words that we never dreamt we’d hear: I’m not seeing a heartbeat. I have to admit, even now I am struggling to see the possibility of redemption in this loss. I have never felt a pain such as this, nor did I ever realize that I could love a little one so much. There is no reason here, there is no purpose for this pain. The only glimmer of hope that I have is in the growth that may someday occur through this loss, yet at this moment, all I feel is bitter, jaded, and cheated. I only hope that any healing comes quickly, that this hole in my chest will somehow close.

— 1 month ago
#little  #love  #loss  #heartache 

Counting down

— 1 month ago